


ethereal

by allucinoctis



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: College, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allucinoctis/pseuds/allucinoctis
Summary: "and that's the thing about people who mean everything they say;they think everyone else does too."
Relationships: Suzuya Juuzou & Reader, Suzuya Juuzou/Reader, Suzuya Juuzou/You
Comments: 13
Kudos: 31





	1. i love you

_**"i will follow you to the ends of the world."** _

* * *

the digital clock on your bedside table pulses _2:03AM_ at your tired eyes.

_fuck._

_it's going to be another one of_ _those_ _nights._

you weren't entirely sure why, but your sleeping patterns had been messed up ever since you moved into juuzou's apartment. you figured it would even itself out over the course of a month or so, but your body simply detested you and refused to allow a normal night's sleep.

your boyfriend was busy most nights (being a ghoul investigator was naturally a full-time job with the most capricious hours) so you were often left to angrily stare at your ceiling each night in the company of yours and his pet dog. regardless of how much you tried to train your body to sleep at perhaps an earlier time, you'd be left tossing and turning, wide awake, for several hours.

popping sleeping pills was an option, but after a quick google search on the exhaustive list of questionable side effects, you pushed that idea aside.

a doctor's appointment would have led to worrying juuzou, and you honestly didn't want that. the poor boy was stressed enough as it was, and you couldn't bear adding to his endless list of burdens.

you've concluded that you probably have insomnia.

heaving a frustrated sigh, you sit upright in the bed.

your gaze wanders around the bedroom that you and the young man share. there's a desk across from the bed, attached to a bookshelf that barely has any books. rather, it's covered in framed photographs of you and your beloved investigator. one of him smiling widely over an ice cream sundae, and another of him cradling a stray puppy that the two of you ended up adopting. said puppy was now a fluffy doggo that comfortably snoozed at the foot of your bed each night, lucky bastard. one of the photographs is one from quite a few years ago, around the time you first met the boy. the happiest of expression paints his face as he stands next to his former partner, shinohara; back when his hair was a shock of white and he still had the mindset of a five-year-old.

you smile warmly.

he's evolved so much ever since you first laid eyes on him. his life experiences and countless hardships had moulded him into the mature and calm young man he now was. you questioned him at first when he turned up to one of your dates with raven-black hair and half his red stitches pulled out, but this change soon became perfectly welcome to you. after many evenings kissing his tears away and stroking his hair, his acceptance and ability to move on from all his anguish was truly something you were proud of. besides, he loved shaking you awake each morning to tie his now shoulder-length hair into a messy bun.

when he came home after the auction mopping-up operation, clearly more subdued than normal, it was a matter of sitting down and listening to his self-reflection.

"big madam is dead." he stated softly, leaning his head against your shoulder. he had opened up to you about his previous life, so you knew exactly who that disgusting monster was.

"oh . . . so she actually turned up to the auction?" you asked, selecting your words carefully.

he nodded slowly, staring off into space.

"how di _—"_

"she told me she had never loved me." he interjected, almost without emotion. however, you could hear the frown in his voice. 

"juuzou . . ." you began, turning your head to him. "she never did. she was an obvious abuser. she had this vicious cycle of giving you affection then quickly torturing and hurting you. you didn't deserve any of it, and you certainly don't need her love."

he furrowed his eyebrows. "oh, i know. it just . . . felt weird seeing her recognise me in the auction."

looking down, you saw his hands resting in his lap. you intertwined yours with his comfortingly, the pad of your thumb rubbing circles onto the back of his hand.

"her . . . _happiness_ was so difficult to decipher. after all those years, seeing her again gave me such a confusing feeling." his frown deepened. the boy had always struggled with identifying and comprehending emotion, even when they were his own.

"would you like to tell me how she died?" even after all his improvement, juuzou still hadn't dramatised death. even when shinohara passed, he accepted it as a part of life and was incapable of ever giving it significance. sometimes, he would come home and excitedly gush about all the ghouls he had killed.

he had paused before his answer, mulling it over again in his head probably. "i had injured her with my jason and she began begging for mercy. i told her that i bore no grudge against her _—_ it's simply my job to exterminate ghouls."

you feel conflicted. although you are inordinately proud of the great leaps juuzou has made in terms of maturity, it feels unfair that he has forgiven the evil that mutilated and manipulated him. while you guess it was natural (and maybe more peaceful) for him to gradually lose resentment, you really didn't think that revolting bitch deserved forgiveness.

"and then?" you urged him.

"she tried 'emotionally blackmailing' me, as hanbee put it. she told me she never loved me, and hanbee covered my eyes and ears as she was killed by my squad members." he said sadly.

"did you get to say goodbye?" it would have been nice closure if he did.

"yeah. when i said my final farewell, it was so . . . upsetting but also peaceful. i never knew how much of an effect she had on me until that moment." he mused, almost surprised. he hesitated, before querying in an ashamed tone, "is it bad of me to say i kind of felt empty afterwards?"

at his last statement, he turned his head to look directly into your eyes. his eyebrows were close together as he gazed at you, pupils blown wide. his lips were slightly parted, his entire expression mirrored that of a child confessing to sticking his hand in the cookie jar.

the corners of your mouth tugged upwards as you squeezed his hand. "no, my love. she forced and twisted you into seeing her as a parental figure. as horrible as she was, she was also the only person you had at the time."

the intense emotion on his face eased at your acceptance. _what did he ever do to deserve such an understanding significant other?_

"but, now i have you." he warmly beamed, euphoria reaching his eyes. he grasped your other hand and affectionately kissed your neck.

his small sign of love made your heart swell in intense adoration. this young boy meant the entire world to you and you would happily go to the ends of the universe for him.

"and i don't force you to perform cruel circus acts and pretend to be someone you're not." you commented, resting your forehead against his. 

he emitted a light chuckle from his lips, eyes crinkling. oh, what you wouldn't do to eternally etch this exact face of his on your fucking gravestone.

you smiled back, another wave of fondness hitting you. "i love you, juuzou." you sighed dreamily. "with all my heart."

normally the boy finds it difficult to say it back _—_ who wouldn't after associating the term with harsh punishments and relentless deceit. 

however, the warmest of emotion danced in his eyes as he whispered, "i love you too, _name_. more than words can say."

dwelling on this memory nearly brought an onslaught of tender tears to your eyes. you never fathomed that you would be so attached to the once childish investigator. even if he disappeared for days at a time due to constant missions, it melted your heart knowing he was doing what he loved.

you slowly manoeuvre your head back onto your pillow, glimpsing the new time flashing into your bleary vision. _2:15AM_. you groan inwardly at the ridiculously slow passing of time. the soft breathing of your dog unfortunately doesn't lull you to sleep any faster.

a loud click of the front door opening alerts you even more awake. the shuffle of a coat being taken off, the clatter of keys being discarded and the soft, familiar footsteps leading to the bedroom remind you that you don't live completely alone. shutting your eyes, you decide to feign sleep.

"_name_, love?" juuzou whispers into the room, leaning against the door. "are you awake?"

no answer from you. your breathing mimics that of a _normal_ sleeping person _—_ at least you hope.

the male smiles softly at your motionless figure. your head is planted firmly against your pillow, and you're clutching one in your arms. the dog is on the edge of the bed, soundly asleep. a rush of positivity overflows his senses. this was his little family. it consisted of an excitable mongrel who didn't take no for an answer, and the most beautiful and kindhearted person he ever knew who could figure him out regardless of his own emotional and physical state.

juuzou was well aware that, for the most part, life had been unkind to him. he had few and far between moments of fleeting bliss, which were usually followed by indescribable pain. 

but _this_ , right now, watching his favourite beings on the planet so calm and peaceful, made it all worth it.

he wouldn't trade this moment for the world.


	2. literature essays

_**"you make me not wanna die."** _

* * *

college had not only been ravaging your sleep, but also your mental state. it deteriorated immensely from all the 8am lectures, after school intervention, study groups that made you feel even more redundant when compared to others and not to mention the sky-high pile of homework and projects you weren't even halfway through with. it didn't help that application deadlines for _paid_ ( _!!!_ ) internships were dangerously nearing and you weren't becoming any smarter. 

it felt as if you were always on the verge of a mental breakdown, even if you only fleetingly glanced at your work desk. it would menacingly sneer, mocking you for your inorganisation and impending failure. you recently began considering leaving a box of tissues on your desk in case the dam ever actually broke and you sobbed uncontrollably.

it's not like your boyfriend even cared that much about your expensive education — the poor boy probably didn't even finish middle school. while he could physically see your devotion to school, he never grasped why you cared so much. it was all just a bunch of senseless gibberish to him.

while his mentality often helped to calm your nerves the night before a midterm, it didn't help for when you had to write a 4000 word essay on the key themes of 'lord of the flies', as well reading (and understanding) pages 200-267 of your thick psychology textbook. the most he could do was leave hot tea and sweet snacks on your desk once in a while. it was honestly heartwarming that he would do this for each study session you had, without fail.

currently, you were slaving arduously over an essay, observing the gradual regression of its quality over the course of it. you had long since forgotten which paragraph you were on, and finished the donut juuzou had given you earlier. said boy was relaxing on the shared bed, reading a book haise had recommended. your boyfriend wanted to be _more intellectual_ and _well-read_ ("like my clever little _name_!" he would gush to his coworker), thus beginning his adventures in poetic and melancholic literature. when you weren't working he would occasionally ask what a word meant or even ask you to read out loud, but he knew better than to disturb you when you were at your desk.

you had left your phone on your bedside table so as to reduce all distractions, but you found yourself lovingly gazing at it from your chair. your phone's blank screen shines at you, and you wish you could be cradling it right now, scrolling through social media instead of writing a redundant essay. reluctantly, your eyes slide back to your computer screen.

_1981 words._

you aren't even halfway done.

_10:59PM._

a mental breakdown is looking likely at this point.

your study notes were scattered next to your computer, overlapping each other. at the start of your essay, you made the utmost effort to work as productively as you could without them, but by your third paragraph you knew there was little hope. so you began sifting through the mindmaps and flashcards you had, eyes darting between them, your keyboard and your subpar essay. this stupid piece of academia isn't even due tomorrow; the deadline is next week. but you thought highly of yourself to complete it now rather than the morning it was due; although it definitely wouldn't be the first time you rushed last-minute homework.

once again, your focus shifts from your work. allowing yourself to look at juuzou, you see him quietly reading. you tilt your head to see the title of the book — 'no longer human' by dazai osamu. unsurprisingly, haise gifted juuzou the most depressing book (and ironic, considering the inhumane nature of their line of work) imaginable to coax him into literature. your university literature course combined both english and japanese literature, so you were familiar with the classics of both charles dickens and the tragic dazai osamu.

juuzou is analysing the pages in the most adorable way. he's lying on his front, his head angled in such a way that must be deemed as very uncomfortable. yet he looks perfectly at ease, concentrating on the book. his expression makes you swoon; eyebrows furrowed together in almost confusion, lips pouted as if contemplating and nose crinkled, similar to when he laughs. you know juuzou isn't the best reader, so you observe how slowly his eyes move down the page, and how he occasionally goes over a line again. 

despite your loathing of the university education system and its wretched method of 'learning', you do adore books. the way authors manifest their imagination onto physical pages always fascinated you. both the writers (as complex, emotional people) and the beautiful stories they create enthrals you. your immense love of reading (as well as people) led you to studying your joint psychology and literature degree at college, regardless of how much you told yourself you regretted it now.

besides, juuzou always loved bragging about your academic status to his coworkers (despite how much he would moan at home about the amount of hours it took you away from him for). all the other ghoul investigators were highly educated with college qualifications, as well as years of work experience (neither of which you owned yet) so you would always profusely blush as juuzuou would praise you to the heavens amongst such superiors. you're only in your second academic year, and had only met juuzou's coworkers a number of times, but they were so incredibly sweet when it came to your education. they would compliment you and reminisce their ' _wild_ ' college days.

 _the only thing 'wild' about me right now is how animalistic these eye bags make me look_ , you would internally grumble. _how do others enjoy their college days so much?_

sometimes, you found yourself envying your boyfriend. whilst he was quite childish and immature at times, he was incredibly calculating and intelligent when needs be. he was extremely successful in your eyes; a well-paying job he enjoyed, surrounded by caring coworkers and able to come home each night to such an incredible significant other such as yourself, all with no student loans or stress. a sort of anger boils within you, then rapidly evaporates when said boy locks eye contact with you and smiles.

"_name_?"

his soft tone feels like a pair of comforting arms pulling you into a warm embrace.

blinking, your vision refocuses to see juuzou's concerned expression.

"are you okay?" he asks. "you look pretty stressed; maybe you should take a break."

you roll your eyes. "all you want is for me to cuddle your lazy ass and read out loud to you."

playfully, he sticks his tongue out. "maybe i just really like the sound of your voice!"

"maybe, i just really like passing my classes!" you quip, but grin back.

he pouts, dramatising being upset. huffing, he crosses his arms but situates himself so he can still read his book. it's visible that he's now half paying attention to his book and half dragging out his hissy fit.

"juuzou." you begin, attempting a stern expression. "sweetheart?" you cock your head to see into his pretty eyes, but he angrily shifts to his side.

 _and here comes the 5-year-old._ you decide to appeal to a different side of him.

"juuzou, i love you." with a tone as steady as you can make it, you fully turn yourself to him. "you mean the entire world to me, and nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy."

this stirs him slightly.

"my favourite feeling is the one you give me whenever you smile at me, you know that?" you continue. 

slowly, he turns his head to face you. his expression softens, as if allowing what you're saying to sink in. his lips twitch. his grip loosens on his book. but he tries steeling his face again. "if you really felt what you say, you would care more about me than your stupid essay!" he whips his head back around.

your beloved boyfriend took ownership of your entire heart, and the way he made himself so endearingly comfortable (similarly to how he is sitting now) in your cardiovascular organ wasn't helping much. your eyes flash between your fluorescent screen and the huffy juuzou on your bed. conflict clouds your judgement.

_fuck it._

you hit 'ctrl + s' on your keyboard. you close all your google tabs and switch your computer off. albeit you're in a frustrated haze, you're fully aware of how expensive your laptop is and how broke you are, so you gently close it. shoving all your pesky notes aside and zipping up your pencil case, you stand up.

"fine, you rat." you stomp over to the bed, looming over him. he looks up, hope flashing in his crimson eyes. "you win."

excitedly, he beams and sits up. he shuffles to the side, giving you space to lie next to him. eager, he passes the book onto you and situates himself against your side, head on your chest. he patiently waits as you find the line where he read last.

taking a deep breath in, you prepare to read a depressing novel about harrowing repression and upholding a facade of hollow jocularity to your bothersome little man-child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> best of luck on any exams/important deadlines you have coming up!!!
> 
> this was lowkey a vEnT bc school is currently kicking my ass sksjdjdjdjd,, i wrote this instead of finishing my biology flashcards :)))) english lit & psych have always been a breeze for me tho so i'll maybe survive???? ahaha idk i'll keep y'all updated


	3. politics is such a waste of time

**_"i would rob the stars to bring you happiness."_ **

* * *

_fuck you, fuck you, fuck you . . ._

_i despise every last one of you annoying shits._

as soon as the clock struck _10AM_ , you dash out of the lecture hall, hurriedly stuffing all your belongings in your backpack. albeit you had a few friends in this class, you hated the majority of them and delighted in leaving lectures as soon as possible. you would think, spending as much as you were on education, you would cherish every moment of precious learning and hold each of your fellow intellectuals in high regard.

alas, that was only a fantasy.

in your defence, whoever legalised 8am lectures had obviously never spent a second in a ridiculously large room listening to a prehistoric fossil ramble on about yet _another_ piece of classic victorian literature. the word document opened on your laptop remained disappointingly blank for the entire ordeal. _who even gives a fuck about the bronte sisters anyway?_ you grumble, hurrying to the university's parking lot.

with a relieved sigh, you slide into your car, dumping your backpack in the passenger seat and quickly turning the engine on. _i bet juuzou isn't even awake yet, the absolute rat_. as you drive away from the "fortress of knowledge" that your boyfriend so teasingly calls it, you switch on the radio. you never enjoyed being alone with your thoughts. the monotonous buzz of current political affairs waft through your car, and you ponder the mess of western countries' government. what with donald trump coming into power and theresa may once _again_ delaying brexit, it turned english-speaking nations into the laughing stock of the world. on more than one occasion juuzou would decorate an orange from the fruit bowl with permanent markers and impersonate the american president, stomping around the apartment and exclaiming many xenophobic absurdities. of course, he only really knew about these affairs from you sometimes ranting to him about them.

after making a short stop to grab some groceries, you soon arrive at your apartment. carrying everything in your arms, you cautiously make your way to the door. you're about to start fumbling for your keys, until the door swings open with energetic fervour. 

in the doorway stands juuzou, slightly hunched and looking ready to shoot outside with lightning speed. once he registers your (now confused) presence, he straightens up. the brightest smile lights up his face.

"why hello there, my dear!" he drawls out your name as if it was a lump of toffee in his mouth. "what are you doing back so early?"

eyebrows furrowing together, you question him, "i think the better question to ask is why were you about to naruto run out into the hallway?" you step aside him and walk into the apartment, setting your keys down on the polished surface of a coffee table.

shock drips from juuzou's voice as he quips back, "haven't you heard? a recent scientific study has proven that naruto running actually increases your speed by 5%!" he sounds so matter-of-fact you wish you had that same confidence when answering questions in class.

turning back to him, you roll your eyes. exasperated, he huffs, then promptly shuts the front door. he trails behind you like a lost puppy as you organise the groceries in the kitchen. whilst you're putting away the chocolate milk cartons that juuzou just seems to adore leaving around the counters, he slumps on the kitchen table, cheek resting against the surface. "i was going to go buy some donuts. there was nothing to eat." a childish pout is evident in his voice.

"you say that but i seem to be face-to-face with a full fridge." you reply, pulling out a few ingredients to start making some sauce. "also i bought a pack of donuts—"

before you've even finished your sentence, the actual toddler tears open the packet and voraciously devours the sugary treat, like a ravenous mountain lion. the jam stains his lips and cheeks crimson, but he continues eating undeterred. you think you hear a muffled "thank you" in between his bites. shaking your head, you fondly kiss his head as you walk past him to the stove. whilst he stuffs himself with doughy diabetes, you start chopping some onions.

"by the way, did you hear what's going on in america right now?" you begin, grabbing some spices from the drawer. 

juuzou stops eating for a couple seconds. he gulps impossibly loudly, and you wonder how his oesophagus didn't just burst from the amount of donut that got forced down it. "did the orange do something again?"

you snort as you empty the onions into the saucepan. you relay what you heard on the radio to juuzou, ensuring you simplify most of the events as much as possible. "terrifying, right?"

mouth once again packed with donut, he muffles out something that sounds like "very!"

as the onions sizzle, you continue preparing the rest of the ingredients. the pasta is soon salted and boiled, and a content juuzou is snoozing on the couch. you can't lie and say it doesn't annoy you that you've just prepared brunch and the boy is already full and asleep, but you make a mental note to save a plate for yourself and keep the leftovers in the fridge for the next time juuzou's bottomless pit of a stomach growls.

your attention refocuses on the stray dog you and your boyfriend adopted a while ago, mochi, who's happily chewing away at her dog toy. _has juuzou even walked her yet?_ considering the busy nature of juuzou's job, a lot of mochi's needs are dumped onto you. of course you have no issue with feeding, bathing and walking her, but it wouldn't hurt to receive a nice surprise from juuzou once in a while. a smile warms your face when you notice her food bowl being almost empty. _ah. at least he remembered to fill it this morning._

whilst yours and juuzou's relationship had been going 3 years strong at this point, marriage never came up into conversation. sometimes you playfully bickered like an old married couple, but you never thought of him as your husband, and you doubt he even remembered you two were romantically involved. obviously children were out of the picture. this probably contributed to how much love you fuelled into mochi; she represented the life you and juuzou couldn't create yourselves. he loved babying her, and on more than one occasion you caught him cooing at her, kissy faces and all. 

mochi yawns, her mouth wide open. after rubbing against your leg, she pads after juuzou. she jumps onto the couch (you had long since decided there was no point training her not to), nestles into juuzou's chest, and promptly drifts off. like father like daughter, you suppose.

your phone buzzes. upon checking, it's just some news notifications. indeed, the orange had done something else.

_well, as long as he's not coming for my family . . ._

your gaze falls onto your boyfriend and mochi peacefully asleep together. words can't describe how full your heart is right now.

_i don't care what he does._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to name the dog i mentioned in the first oneshot mochi!! it's a sweet japanese rice cake, and ngl i'm a sucker for pets named after food <3 these oneshots don't follow a specific order, but i suppose they're all in the same storyline aha
> 
> political matters are not a waste of time, my dudes, make sure you're educated on your local area's current affairs and don't let absolute idiots into power ;)))
> 
> nOT indirecting anyone bUt make sure you vote at your next election so your country doesn't turn to shit as the uk just has :)))
> 
> i love living on this cold-ass island :))) it's :) so :) gre at :))))

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading !!! please do send me requests,, i want an excuse to continue writing for this gorgeous boy aksdsksjssjsj he has all my fucking uwu's <3


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